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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27480580">we belong way down below</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinityrenee/pseuds/trinityrenee'>trinityrenee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Addiction, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Drugs, F/M, Kylo is a functioning alcoholic, Lovers to enemies to lovers, Marijuana, Mentions of alcoholism, Musicians, Mutual Pining, Pining, band au, rockstar - Freeform, rockstar kylo, rockstar!au, there will be an HEA</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:07:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,258</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27480580</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinityrenee/pseuds/trinityrenee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>KNiGHTS is one of the biggest names in rock music right now.   Their frontman, bassist and lead singer Kylo Ren, tends to let the rage in his lyrics out on stage through frequently smashing instruments on stage or whatever else is on hand.</p><p>resistance, on the other hand, is an upcoming band that is about to release their first full album with First Order Media.  Their music is energetic and melodic, filled with lyrics that have deep meaning popular among a wide audience - not just the rock and hardcore crowds.</p><p>With resistance’s debut album being released and KNiGHTS working on their fourth studio album, First Order Media puts them on a tour together. They’re hoping that this will add more hype for resistance as well as give the boys of KNiGHTS an excuse to, well, settle down before they’re banned from any more venues.  Except what they weren’t counting on is the fact that Kylo Ren and Rey, the frontwoman for resistance, know each other already.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. if i’m living, it’s inside of a hollow shell</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Welcome to my new fic!  I’ve had this plot idea since I was a senior in high school in 2010 and have been itching to finally write it at some point.  And then Reylo happened and my incessant need for band/rockstar AUs only sparked this further.  I can’t promise frequent or scheduled updates, but I can promise that I won’t abandon this until it’s done.  I’ve no idea how long this is actually going to be, but we’ll see how it goes.</p><p>PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE TAGS.  Kylo is a functioning alcoholic and in the process of recovery during this story.  If this or other mentions of drugs / addiction bother you, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS FIC.  If I forgot to tag something, please feel free to remind me.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The conference room is one that he’s been in countless times before and is pretty standard.  Long, dark oak table with simple black office chairs on either side of it.  There’s a television on one end of the table and both walls running along the length of the table are floor-to-ceiling windows.  One of these looks out to the cityscape of L.A., while the other just looks out into the rest of the floor that First Order Media occupies.  One of the three floors they occupy, anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux and Phasma are standing at one end of the table, in front of the black and empty television screen.  It sends a wave of dread through Kylo as he enters the room.  Fucking great.  This isn’t what he wanted to come into today.  He’d just finished a quiet and short stint of AA and rehab for alcoholics that Snoke had insisted on and forced him into and hadn’t had anything to drink today.  But it was quit drinking or end up causing even more destruction to his already iffy internal organs and Snoke wasn’t interested in letting Kylo out of his clutch that easily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucky him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d rather waste away in a hospital bed than have a meeting with both Phasma and Hux without any alcohol in his system, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His manager eyes him down as he drops heavily into a seat.  Even with his three remaining band mates streaming into the room behind him, Hux is reserving his glare for Kylo alone.  He barely manages to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> roll his eyes, instead turning to the P.R. manager of First Order Media.  Phasma has a small but serious smile on her face as she takes in the men settling at the table before her</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Phasma has never, ever been intimidated by spoiled rockstars with their heads too far up their asses for their own good.  Which describes all of them, Kylo included.  It also leads him to further believe that whatever this meeting is about is going to piss all of them off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mitaka, his P.A., sets a (sealed) bottle of water down in front of him before retreating to his place at the side of the room.  Kylo wishes, badly, that it was vodka, but he twists the cap off roughly and swigs it down roughly because at least water takes off some of the pounding in his skull.  Nowhere near enough of what he wants, but at least it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other guys are shifting in their seats as their manager stares them down with barely-restrained contempt.  Kylo genuinely doesn’t know </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hux is still their manager if they can’t even stand to be in the same room as one another.  Let alone have an actual professional working relationship.  But Hux is just as contractually obligated to them as they are to FOM.  So basically, they’re all fucked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Always wonderful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Glad to see you’re all still in one piece,” Gwen Phasma starts out with a terse smile.  She’s a large woman, all long limbs that are thick with muscle.  Alek has said on more than one occasion that she’s built like a brick shithouse.  Kylo would be inclined to agree if he didn’t think she’d kill him for it.  Phasma could kick anyone’s ass without lifting a finger, all while wearing the heels that make her tower over everyone even though she and Kylo are </span>
  <em>
    <span>technically</span>
  </em>
  <span> the same height.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Considering that he’s made her life as the company’s public relations manager a living hell the last few years, he’d definitely deserve it if she did decide to kick his ass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get on with it, Phas.  I’ve got chicks in my bed waiting for me to get back,” Fletcher says.  He’s a fucking idiot and the only thing he’s got going for him is his skill with the drums.  Lucky him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gwen ignores his comment and turns to Hux, who looks like he’d rather be at the dentist having his perfect fucking teeth pulled without any novocaine than having this meeting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In contrast to Phasma, Armitage Hux is a grade A asshole through and through.  He’s shorter than Kylo with red hair and a pinched face that always looks annoyed and put-upon.  Hux is a weasel and </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely</span>
  </em>
  <span> needs someone to pull the stick out of his ass.  And then promptly get laid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux is the reason that Kylo is leaning toward believing the stupid joke that gingers have no souls.  He is the </span>
  <em>
    <span>epitome</span>
  </em>
  <span> of that statement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.  Well.  The lineup for your next tour is being announced today,” Hux says without preamble.  The idea of going on tour sends a shiver of anxiety down Kylo’s spine.  But there’s a thrill that goes with it.  Tour means less prying eyes from studio execs and easier access to the thing that’s very likely to ruin his fucking life.  And a higher chance of ruining his fresh sobriety, which he’s really not sure of his feelings on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other three men that he has to call bandmates all jeer and start making jokes and bets about whos’ going to get laid on tour more, but Gwen is quick to shut them down.  “This won’t be like your other tours.  No more breaking things that don’t belong to you.  No more reckless partying.  No groupies.”  Kylo is in the middle of drinking more water when she says all of this and he almost chokes on it.  Does she know who she’s talking to?  Even if Kylo is the face of the band and gets the most attention, they’re all infamous for their penchant for partying and living the rockstar life to the fullest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The fuck you mean!?” Alek says from Kylo’s right.  The guitarist’s Eastern European accent is good when it’s in songs, but sometimes it’s just straight annoying.  Now is definitely one of those times - Kylo’s sobriety is not a good thing for his constantly sour mood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“First Order is pairing you up with a new band on the label - resistance,” Gwen continues.  Kylo vaguely remembers hearing something about the up-and-coming band, but he hasn’t put much stock into investigating because it’s never affected his life in any way.  He’s also been busy with his own shit.  But he doesn’t really pay attention to anyone else on the label, either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re supposed to what?  Stop us from partying?” Kaiden remarks from across the table with a scoff.  Kylo is inclined to agree, despite not doing anything outwardly.  Hux hasn’t been able to stop them even while on tour with them (which he has ardently refused to do since their second tour, which is why they have a tour manager).  So what makes them think some stupid new band will be  able to?  If anything, resistance was bound for corruption at the KNiGHTS’ hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux and Phasma don’t rise to Kaiden’s bait.  Instead, the tall woman regards them coolly.  “Snoke is giving strict orders to keep things calm this tour.  Anything you break will be coming out of your cuts for ticket sales.  And if you get banned from a venue again, you won't be paid for that show.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well. That’s one way to do it.  Kylo doesn’t need the money, not </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but his bandmates all do.  He resists the urge to roll his eyes and takes another swig of water.  Again, he curses that it’s just water instead of something better.  Like vodka.  Or whiskey.  Yeah.  Whiskey is definitely appropriate for right now, he thinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But alas.  His body can’t take much more alcohol poisoning and Snoke is determined to refuse to let him give into his failing biology.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s twisting the cap back on the empty bottle of water when Hux takes over again.  “Their album release party is this Thursday at 9:00pm.  You will all be there.  You will all behave.  Tour dates will officially be announced at midnight, along with the release of their album.  Tour kicks off in two weeks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So wait.  Are we playing </span>
  <em>
    <span>support</span>
  </em>
  <span> for them?” Kaiden asks.  Because of course he does.  Kylo is inclined to agree with the indignant tone of his voice.  Because surely First Order should have gotten a smaller, less popular band to be the supporting act for whoever the fuck this band was.  Not the fucking KNiGHTS.  Playing support to a new band was far below their fucking pay grade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.  You’ll be headlining.  They’re the only support, though, and this is more to introduce them to a broader audience than anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Great.  So they were the support without actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>being</span>
  </em>
  <span> the support.  Great.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kylo spares a glance at his bandmates, knowing that they are all bristling under the heavy weight of being ordered what to do and the restrictions being placed upon them.  Then he sighs and pushes away from the table.  He doesn’t say anything as he gets to his feet and goes to leave, without waiting for Hux or Phasma to dismiss them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door closes behind him and he thinks he hears Hux saying something about him and his attitude, but Kylo doesn’t really give a fuck.  He doesn’t have anything else to do beyond work on the songs for the new album and he’s not in the mood to do that shit today.  His head is fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>pounding </span>
  </em>
  <span>and all he wants his a goddamn </span>
  <em>
    <span>drink</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can hear Mitaka’s footsteps behind him as he reaches the elevator and slams his fist against the button.  He’s glad that Mitaka deals with his moods without batting an eyelash.  Sometimes the smaller, quieter man will flinch, but he doesn’t usually typically say anything to Kylo himself.  He lets Kylo rage and gets everything cleaned up without a second thought.  It’s good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mitaka,” Kylo grumbles as they enter the elevator.  “Find me some of resistance’s music to listen to.”  The smaller man nods and confirms, turning to his phone to find what he can.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he’s going to be stuck touring with this band, might as well decide if they’re even good enough to be on tour with them in the first place.  Kylo is also reasonably certain that, even though their album doesn’t release officially until Friday at midnight, he’ll be able to get hold of it one way or another.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>————</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mitaka emails him the link to the EP that resistance self-released a year ago later that night.  Ben is vaguely annoyed by it if only because he’d wanted to hear what they were making </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  But beyond the one single that had come off their EP and re-recorded for their full-length, this is what he has to go off of.  Five songs, all pretty high energy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has to admit that they aren’t untalented.  They’re actually halfway decent and the blend of male and female vocals is...interesting.  There’s something familiar to the sound - something about the clean female vocals in particular that nag at his brain, but he’s not sure why.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not typically one of female vocalists in their genre, but she knew how to use her voice and the mixture was a good one.  It works, somehow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their songs don’t seem ground-breaking or life-changing, but they’re lyrically decently written and the instrumentals aren’t bad, either.  The content of the songs seem like the kind of vapid nonsense that a lot of people like and Kylo usually isn’t a fan of, but the songs themselves aren’t at all bad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kylo keeps listening to the EP over and over again, because it’s not like he has anything better to do beyond scrutinizing their music over and over again, breaking down each element.  Okay.  He needed to write songs for their fourth album before Snoke started </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> hounding him about it, but Kylo couldn’t find the energy for it.  Without alcohol in his system, he tended to not be overly productive.  The same five songs blaring through his penthouse is also doing a halfway decent job of distracting him from the urge to say fuck it and order a grocery delivery service for a goddamn bottle of whiskey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His house had been left in much the state he’d left it in when he left for AA and rehab.  With the exception that the extensive collection of booze he’d kept was completely gone.  They hadn’t even left him any pot to smoke, which was nearly as annoying as the lack of booze.  No one said he wasn’t allowed to smoke pot, but whatever.  Fuck him, he guessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They hadn’t even left him a can of whipped cream, and Whip-Its were more of Fletcher’s thing than his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But fuck it, he was an addict and if there was some way to fill up the emptiness inside of him, he’d fucking take it.  Sure, alcohol was his choice.  Alcohol numbed the buzz in his brain and filled up that well of loneliness inside of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, he gets bored enough to grab his bass and go lock himself in the studio he’d made in the spare bedroom of his apartment.  It’s there that he starts working out a song about his problems.  These kind of songs had been popular in the past and it’s one of the few things that he thinks he can actually work with right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Might as well run with it, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kylo still can’t get the sound of resistance’s female vocalist out of his head, though.  He jots down some lyrics that could work well with a duet, he thinks.  That is, if they don’t completely end up hating each other.  Even so, it’d probably make for good publicity and god knows that Snoke would never complain about good publicity for two bands.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. haunted by a shadow that i can’t escape</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to everyone who has commented and left kudos so far!  It really, really means a lot to me that you’re enjoying this so far. &lt;3</p><p>I also can’t promise that updates will continue to happen this fast...but I hope that whatever wait there is will be worth it~</p><p>Title for this chapter comes from the song “Hate Myself” by DIAMANTE.</p><p>Also please be aware that Rey is pretty panicky in this chapter and briefly mentions having a panic attack.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Rey genuinely couldn't decide if she was excited for tonight or not. She'd been an anxious ball of energy all week, ever since it was announced they'd be going on tour with KNiGHTS and the dates would be released at their album release party.  She hadn't wanted to tour with them. Had dug her feet as deep as they would go with every opportunity. But she also recognized the importance of this first tour and having such a well-known and popular band be the headliner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is their first </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> tour outside of the circuit of local venues that they normally played at. This could make or break them. And even if she had a personal vendetta against one member of the other band in particular, she couldn't in good conscience let this opportunity slip them by.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Besides. It's not like their contracts left them much room to argue or refuse whatever the label decided for them.  She hadn't really put much thought into any other bands signed on with FOM. Which had been a mistake, clearly. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>that Ben had gone off to become Kylo Ren and front KNiGHTS, but she hadn't made the connection between them and First Order Media until, well, fairly recently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She's just glad that they haven't run into each other. But that streak had to end at some point, apparently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So that's where Rey's head is at currently as she stares at herself in the mirrors that coat Kaydel's closet doors. Both excited and decidedly not so. She still isn't sure if Ben - no, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kylo</span>
  </em>
  <span> - will be there tonight, and that isn't helping things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She's also just nervous about the idea of hundreds of strangers and label execs listening to their album for the first time in an over-crowded club.  And yes, she realizes she's signed up for this - it's not like anyone will let her forget. But that doesn't make it any less nerve-wracking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, though. After four years of working their asses off, they </span>
  <em>
    <span>made it</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  Despite being told that she was wasting her time and that it wasn't worth it. Despite everything stacked against her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey had been distracted from the inevitable events of the night earlier in the day because she'd had the opening shift at the cafe that she and Rose still worked at. Kaydel had insisted that they didn't need to work there anymore, but Rey was more comfortable with keeping herself busy and having something to fall back on if this for some reason fell through. Not that waitressing allowed her much of a cushion in case of emergency, but it was at least something. Being raised a foster kid that got tossed around had taught her that nothing was permanent. Her life thus far had only served to prove her right time and again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now here she is. In the spare bedroom of Kaydel's apartment that she'd turned into her closet, trying not to panic over the very real and very large probability that she was going to have to see Ben (stop it, his name is </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kylo</span>
  </em>
  <span> now, god dammit) in just a couple of hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel is hovering over her shoulder, staring at Rey's reflection as she takes in the outfit she shoved her into. There's a frown on her face and Rey is trying very, very hard not to think too much about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't understand why I can't just wear what I was wearing when I came over…" Rey tries, not for the first time. The bassist scoffs, rolls her eyes and shakes her head in dismissal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No fucking chance, Reybie," Kaydel says with a renewed grin and a sparkle in her eyes that Rey had learned a long time ago to be wary of. "If we have to see your ex tonight, we are making sure you're going to look hot as hell. Make him regret whatever it was he did to you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey fights the grimace that threatens to show up on her face. She'd told everyone just who they would be touring with - that she and Kylo Ren had dated years ago, before he became Kylo Ren and rocketed into fame and left her behind. She didn't go into details and they still haven't asked, which she's eternally grateful for. It's enough that they all rallied around her and made sure that this tour was </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> something she wanted to go through with. They also had all collectively decided that it didn't matter how good of a musician he was or how much Finn admired his vocals, they all </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated</span>
  </em>
  <span> him. With a vehemence Rey would normally only reserve for pickles and the men who talked down to her like she was an idiot child.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Rose cheers on the idea of somehow using clothing and Rey's body to make Kylo Ren jealous and now it's two-to-one against Rey. She can only sigh and grimace as Kaydel dives back through the racks of clothing that fills her spare bedroom slash walk-in closet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey would </span>
  <em>
    <span>much </span>
  </em>
  <span>rather wear the black skinny jeans that had holes in the knees and the loose t-shirt that she had arrived in. But date and choice was not on her side, clearly.  Rey hadn't planned on dressing up anyway because what was the point in being something she decidedly was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but she's sure that even if her ex wasn't going to be in attendance, Kaydel would have had the same reaction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel returns and shoves a pile of clothes in Rey's hands. "This. This is what you're wearing." And then she shoos her away from the mirror and towards the bathroom. Rey goes obediently and quickly changes for the fourth time in the last hour. She's ready to be done. More than ready. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel and Rose both audibly gasp when she gets back to the closet room. Rey feels like her skin is crawling at the feeling of the ripped tights on her legs, but she isn't going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>wear them beneath the high-waisted bright red shorts that barely cover her ass.  Kaydel immediately swoops in and tugs pieces here and there and unbuttons the top four buttons of the little black button-up tank top. Doing so reveals a depressing lack of cleavage and more skin than Rey ever wants to show in her life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"God you're such a babe," Kaydel swoons. "If you weren't so tragically heterosexual, I'd be all over you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> hetero, but thanks, Kaydel… I think…" Rey responds, shifting from foot to foot anxiously. "I feel like it's too much… They told us it was pretty casual and this is...</span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kay waves a hand in dismissal and turns to grab a tube of bright red lipstick. Rey immediately pulls away and glares at the bassist. "No."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There is a pout in her best friend's face that could rival the cutest puppy in the world, but Rey stands firm. "I'm already wearing bloody tights, for fuck sake. I didn't agree to makeup, too."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel sighs and rolls her eyes, looking extremely put out at the idea she won't be able to put lipstick on Rey.  "Fine. But I'm taking it with us just in case you change your mind."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey doesn't tell her friend that she will definitely not be changing her mind. But at least the makeup is off the table for now and Kaydel is distracted with tidying up her own outfit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It is incredibly unfair, Rey thinks, that both Rose and Kaydel get to wear </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal</span>
  </em>
  <span> clothing (or at least normal for Kaydel, anyway) while she's stuck in...this bullshit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaydel is wearing a see-through skater dress with a black bra and black high-waisted shorts underneath.  It’s her standard outfit and normal enough for her to wear on stage.  It’s complete with heeled boots and the effortless grace that Kay carries with her all the time makes Rey jealous.  Rose has a loose Galactic Battles t-shirt tucked into a pair of shorts and Rey hates that part of her brain gets feral at the idea that the drummer gets to be fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>comfortable</span>
  </em>
  <span> and wear something that Kaydel obviously did not pick out for her.  At least Kaydel lets Rey keep the worn-down combat boots that she got off of Amazon for $20 six months ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Small mercies, she supposes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey is still kind of hung up on the fact that these shorts that Kaydel has forced upon her are barely enough fabric to cover up her ass.  And there’s nothing wrong with booty shorts, really.  She doesn’t have an issue with them, they just aren’t Rey’s usual thing.  She prefers shorts that go at least a couple of inches past the swell of her ass.  Doesn’t even care about the fact that Kaydel and Poe always tease her about ‘mom shorts’ whenever she wears them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>These, though...these are way out of her comfort zone.  Her brain has gone back to the anticipation of the night being over and done with so that she can just go back to her apartment and crawl into clothes that are infinitely more comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a knock echoing through Kaydel’s apartment before the front door opens.  Poe and Finn both call out a greeting and Rey is more than grateful for the distraction away from thinking about what it is she’s wearing and how Kaydel is looking at her like she wants to try to get away with more things that Rey is decidedly uncomfortable with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finn’s eyes look like they’re about to bug out of his head when Rey walks into the living room.  Poe’s face instantly splits in a shit-eating grin as he takes her in appreciatively.  If he weren’t gay and in a very dedicated and exclusive relationship with Finn, his gaze would almost make her uncomfortable.  As it is, she still flushes and crosses her arms over her chest in an attempt to hide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Peanut…  What are- What are you wearing?” Finn manages to stammer out as he steps away from his boyfriend slightly.  Rey sighs and rolls her eyes to the ceiling, a long-withheld groan surfacing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t she look great, Finn!?” Kaydel cries happily, the self-satisfied grin overly evident in her voice.  “She’s going to make that shit-dick regret his </span>
  <em>
    <span>entire life</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” At least everyone else seems satisfied with Rey’s outfit for the night.  Rey bites her tongue to keep back any retort that might bubble to the surface without first going through her brain’s filter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we just go and get this night over with already?” she sighs instead of saying what she </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> wants to.  Finn picks up on her mood and frowns at her.  He opens his mouth to try to say something that’s probably meant to reassure her or question her or something, but Rey’s dread has reared its ugly head and she just wants to </span>
  <em>
    <span>go.  </span>
  </em>
  <span>So she heads to the door, skirting around the boys and slipping out the door before they can have any more conversations about what her outfit is going to do or not do to her ex lover.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Honestly, she doesn’t even want to have to </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> about the fact that he’ll probably be at the launch party tonight and that she’s going to have to see him and interact with him and smile at him like their past meant as little to her as it clearly did to him.  And she loves her friends, she really does, but they aren’t helping in the least.  The only reason she really let Kaydel dress her is because she </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> that she wouldn’t be allowed to go anywhere until she acquiesced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, we’re gonna be late!” Rey calls from down the hallway and at the entrance to the stairway.  She hears her friends giggling and chatting as they leave Kaydel’s apartment and wait for the bassist to lock up her apartment.  And then they’re surrounding Rey again and she’s trying to pay attention to the conversation and feed off of the excitement that they’re all feeling, but it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>hard</span>
  </em>
  <span> when every step she takes, every second that passes, every foot they get closer to the venue for the night’s party only brings her closer to the reunion she’s been dreading for </span>
  <em>
    <span>years</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No amount of excitement about finally having made it (despite a certain someone’s complete and utter lack of help), about getting to go on tour soon, about releasing their first </span>
  <em>
    <span>full-length, debut fucking album</span>
  </em>
  <span>, is enough to calm her brain.  Adrenaline is fighting for dominance in her system and she’s very much stuck between the fight or flight instinct.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey is so caught up in her own brain and her own catastrophizing that she doesn’t realize they’re at the venue until Finn is gently pulling on her arm to get her out of the Uber she apparently climbed into with them.  She shakes her head clear of the fog that had taken over and lets her friend steady her as they get out of the car together.  Finn very clearly would prefer to stand next to his boyfriend as they walk into the venue, but Rey is digging her fingers into his forearm and won’t let go.  So he stays by her side like the good friend she is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Having him next to her, and knowing that all of her friends - Rose, Kaydel, and Poe - all have her back tonight makes it easier for her to cross the threshold into the venue.  Makes it easier for her to force the tight panic in her chest (because she’s been having a panic attack this whole time, she realizes, how great is that) down.  Makes it easier for her to take deep, steadying breaths that calm her.  Her grip on Finn’s forearm is still pretty tight, but it relaxes a little as they get through the entrance and through security and into the club itself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's loud already and the party hasn't even really started. They got here early, comparatively for how long this is supposed to last.  Their manager, Jannah, has a smile on her face when she finds them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really excited to have you all here in one piece!  You guys look great,” she tells them.  Kaydel is already making eyes at her and it causes Rey to smile a bit.  “Snoke and the rest of the label execs are up in the VIP booth, but we don’t have to meet with them until later.  We’ve got about an hour before we introduce you guys officially and play through your album.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey tries to focus on the schedule run-down that the woman goes through for the night, she really does.  But she quickly finds herself preoccupied by glancing around the large club, trying to find the familiar voice that she desperately wants to avoid tonight.  She doesn’t find him and by the time she’s making her second visual sweep through the club, Finn is dragging her towards the bar to get a drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She notices that Kaydel has abandoned them in favor of continuing to chat with Jannah, a bright smile on her face.  Rose has slipped away somewhere, but at least Finn and Poe have continued to stick with her.  Probably because they know she’s going to run away as soon as possible.  Not that she’s been planning on making a great escape and avoiding this event altogether, but now that she’s here, the temptation is there with the rising anxiety.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As long as she doesn’t have to speak to or even </span>
  <em>
    <span>see</span>
  </em>
  <span> Ben - </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kylo, god dammit</span>
  </em>
  <span> - she’ll be fine.  She can have fun with her friends.  Relax and celebrate this momentous occasion and their success.  She totally can.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I promise we’ll get to the history between Rey and Ben soon~ 👀</p><p>In the meantime, have these playlists that I’ve been listening to as inspiration for this story and these two bands in general.  I’ll be making more specific playlists with their albums, set lists, etc. in the future, but for now!  <a href="%E2%80%9C">KNiGHTS</a> &amp; <a href="%E2%80%9C">resistance</a>.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. i’m a disaster, no one’s laughing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry about the wait on this - I wound up hating my first draft and then I tested positive for COVID and got really sick right as I was about to work on the rewrite. 🙃 I’m feeling better than I was last week, but still not feeling that great.</p><p>Anyway!  I hope that this chapter is worth the wait~ We allude to some things that happened in Kylo &amp; Rey’s past buuuut we’ll get into more details later, I promise~ 😘</p><p>Also, this hasn’t been beta’d and I didn’t read through this before posting it, so i apologize for any errors there likely are. 😬</p><p>CW for this chapter: alcohol consumption, Kylo relapses</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kylo arrives late to the club and the launch party for resistance’s album.  He’s been busy all day working on the lyrics for his </span>
  <em>
    <span>own</span>
  </em>
  <span> album so that Snoke has no reason to harp on him.  It’s been a good distraction from the raging headache and gnawing emptiness inside of him.  But he’s been trying his hardest to keep up with his sobriety this time, so whatever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaiden, Fletcher, and Alek had all offered to pick him up on their way to the party so they could arrive together, but Kylo had ignored their texts until it was too late and he wound up driving himself.  So he’s late to the party, but he’s fucking here, isn’t he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The club is already pretty full of people when he gets through security.  He doesn’t recognize most of them, but knows they either work within First Order Media or are important in the music business someway or another.  Kylo doesn’t really give a shit either way, not really.  He spots his bandmates in varying spots, drinking and looking like they’re enjoying themselves.  He’d clocked the bar as soon as he entered, but he’s trying his best to avoid looking over there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s when he sees Hux that he figures he may as well check in with the red-headed bastard.  He’s been blowing Kylo’s phone up all evening, ever since the other guys showed up sans Kylo.  He knows his manager has definitely already run off to Snoke to snitch on him for being late, but he doesn’t really have it in him to care right now.</span>
</p><p><span>Said manager is talking with a shorter woman, looking the most relaxed that he’s looked in...well, ever, really.  Kylo doesn’t think he’s ever seen Hux look this relaxed or...whatever the look on his face is.  The woman he’s talking to has a surprisingly genuine smile on her face and as if Hux alone didn’t make his head spin, seeing someone fucking </span><em><span>smiling</span></em> <em><span>at him </span></em><span>is more confusing than anything, honestly.</span></p><p>
  <span>Kylo has never, </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> seen anyone smiling when talking with Armitage Hux.  Unless they were making fun of him, but even then, Hux looks far too relaxed for that.  What the fuck?  Has Hux been getting laid this entire time and none of them knew about it?  No fucking way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hux’s face immediately shutters when he sees Kylo approaching.  The woman he’s talking to spins her head around, that smile on her face until she catches sight of Kylo and it falters a bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh good.  Seems like Hux has been talking shit about him behind his back.  Just great.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice of you to finally show your face, Ren,” Hux sneers.  And yeah, he’s definitely been talking shit to this woman, because her face turns from a wary glare to an absolute </span>
  <em>
    <span>sneer</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  Kylo’s more confused than ever, honestly.  He’s never met this woman before, but apparently she hates him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Probably par for the course, honestly, considering his reputation and the fact that she’s been talking with Hux of all people, but still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kylo just shrugs slightly in response to Hux and his dismissal.  “Just make sure not to drink anything tonight, Ren.”  Kylo rolls his eyes and tries to hold back the growl that’s sitting there, waiting in his throat.  So glad to hear that his manager doesn’t have an issue with airing out his problems to the public.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got it,” he replies dryly.  With that, he turns on his heel and walks as far away from his manager and the weird woman who apparently hates him as quickly as his feet can carry him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely </span>
  </em>
  <span>wants to throw away his sobriety.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, in what he recognizes is probably a last-ditch effort to retain his sobriety, Kylo veers off to the side of the club that’s as far away from the bar as he can get.  He sticks to the sides of the large dance floor, trying to blend in with the shadows as much as possible.  After all, he may be forced to be here but that doesn’t mean he has to show his face all over the place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s about halfway around the dance floor when his eyes happen to zero in on a couple of girls dancing together.  They caught the corner of his eye and froze him in his spot.  Or at least one of the two girls does, anyway.  She’s slightly taller than the other, with darker hair pulled up high on top of her head.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can’t see her face but that doesn’t matter much because what he </span>
  <em>
    <span>can</span>
  </em>
  <span> see of her makes his dick twitch in interest.  She’s got legs that go on for fucking days, covered in torn tights that hint at some scattered tattoos across her skin. The bright red pair of shots she’s wearing leave </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> little to the imagination and sure, her ass may not be the biggest in the world, but it is a </span>
  <em>
    <span>great fucking ass</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  One that begs to be grabbed and spanked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kylo shakes his head slightly, trying to get his dick under control.  It helpfully tells his brain that she’d probably like it a little rough when he took her from behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite the fact that he feels like an absolute creep, he leans against the wall at his back and continues to stare.  He takes in all the little details he can see - small things here and there nag at his brain and beg for memories that are rather fuzzy in sobriety to come forward.  The sunflower tattoos at her elbows that cap off half-sleeves of other nature-themed tattoos, for instance, feel like something he should remember.  Something that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> remember, for sure, but can’t quite place or quite believe the source of.  Because really, what are the</span>
  <em>
    <span> odds</span>
  </em>
  <span>, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A couple of guys approach the two girls with friendly grins on their faces and drinks in their hands and Kylo wants to interrupt them and glare the guys away.  He has no idea who these girls are, but he feels protective over them.  Like no one should disturb their fun or try to take advantage of them and oh, he’s definitely thinking with his dick here, isn’t he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Biting the inside of his cheek, Kylo shakes his head and scrubs a tattooed hand through his hair just as the one in the shorts that he’s been eye-fucking for the last ten minutes turns her head to the new arrivals and...fuck.  It feels like he’s just been dunked in a pool of cold water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d know the curve of that nose and the delicate lines of that profile </span>
  <em>
    <span>anywhere.</span>
  </em>
  <span>  That’s fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rey.</span>
  </em>
  
  <em>
    <span>His Rey.  </span>
  </em>
  <span>Here.  In L.A..  In this fucking club.  At this fucking launch party for some random ass band.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But surely it </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>be here.  Surely she wouldn't have left Colorado, right where he’d left her.  That’s just...that’s just not possible.  The universe isn’t that fucking kind.  Or cruel, as it more likely is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kylo’s thought he’s seen her before, back when he was drinking heavily and he’d think he saw her at a show or walking around in a crowd.  Every time he blinked and shook his head, she’d disappear and be replaced with some girl who had the same hair colour as her.  And sure, his sobriety is pretty new and everything, but surely he’s not seeing her here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can’t fucking actually be here, though.  She just </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trusting in his habits, Kylo squints his eyes shut as hard as he can and shakes his head. He even drags his hand down his face, pushing his thumb and forefinger into his eye sockets for a few minutes to try to clear out his vision.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he opens his eyes again, the girls and the men that had joined them are gone.  Kylo breathes out a sigh of relief, letting his body sag in on itself a bit.  Fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s been a while since he thought he’d seen her.  Thought he’d gotten away from that nasty habit of his stupid brain, but apparently not. He shakes his head again, tugs at his hair when he scrubs his hand through it.  Apparently the universe just had to remind him of what he’d lost every now and again, just to fuck with him.  Surely there was no other explanation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he can let himself wallow in his own self-pity, Kylo shoves away from his spot at the wall and continues wandering around the edge of the club.  He winds his way to where he last saw Kaiden and Alek.  Last time he’d seen Fletcher, the fucker was surrounded by girls and leering at every single one of them.  Typical.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kylo can’t really </span>
  <em>
    <span>stand</span>
  </em>
  <span> his bandmates, but he’d rather not be alone by himself right now because of his brain playing stupid mind tricks on him.  Kaiden and Alek are at least sufferable, even if they are obviously drinking and he probably shouldn’t be around that right now, especially since his sobriety is hanging on by just a thread.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows, logically, that it can’t have been Rey he saw dancing.  She wouldn’t have been caught </span>
  <em>
    <span>dead</span>
  </em>
  <span> in those clothes.  And she’d been so fucking stubborn about not leaving Colorado and coming to L.A. with him, so why the hell woul she be here in the first place? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kylo is still thinking about this when he lumbers up to where Kaiden and Alek are standing, chatting among themselves.  They nod their acknowledgement at him  as he settles in place in front of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was wondering when you’d make it, Ren,” Kaiden muses over his glass of dark liquid.  Kylo shrugs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Been busy writing for the new album.  I figured Snoke would want me actually working more then he wanted me spending all night here.”  The other two men nod in understanding.  They’ve all been on the receiving end of Snoke’s ire and strictness about album deadlines, but they don’t get flack nearly as bad as Kylo gets if he slacks.  Sometimes he envies them and hates them a little bit for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, that’s a lie.  He always envies and hates them a little for it.  Even if KNiGHTS was his lifeblood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seen resistance yet?” Kaiden asks.  Kylo shakes his head in response and the other men hum in thought.  “We haven’t either.  We at least expected Hux to introduce us already, but no luck so far.  Must be waiting for after them to start playing their album.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kylo doesn’t particularly care much about when he gets to meet this other band that he’s going to be stuck touring with.  He’s still trying to come to terms with being haunted by his ex-girlfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you see the woman that Hux was talking to?” Kylo asks, trying to distract himself from his own thoughts.  Kaiden and Alek look at him in interest and surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait. Hux?  Like Armitage ‘I have a constant stick up my ass’ Hux?” Kaiden asks, a small grin pulling at the corners of his mouth.  Kylo nods in affirmation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.  Having an actual conversation with a woman who actually seemed to be enjoying the conversation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alek nods in agreement. "Yeah. Cute little thing too, wearing a Galaxy Wars shirt. Complete opposite of the ginger fuck." Kaiden looks between the both of them in disbelief, clearly not believing either of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dance music dies down before any of them can further pontificate about whether or not Hux is getting laid. There's feedback from a mic that sounds through the sound system throughout the club and Kylo winces slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Good evening, everyone!" Kylo blinks and turns his head toward the stage up front, finding his sort-of cousin Jannah Calrissian on stage in a dark blue pants suit and an excited grin on her face.  He’s a little surprised to see here here because as far as he was concerned, she was focused more on running the Social Media department, but it’s also been a while since he’s spoken with anyone in his family (even Jannah, who he’s probably the closest to), so what does he know, really?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For those who don’t know me, I’m Jannah. I used to head the Social Media department but now I’m here as a manager for resistance, who we’re all here tonight for.”  Well that explains it, then.  Kylo tilts his head curiously as Jannah turns to the side of the stage and starts beckoning to the people gathered just off the side of it.  “Anyway, let’s bring them up here, we’re really excited to introduce them all to you and be able to share their first album with you all, I know they’ve worked really hard on it and are just as excited as we are to share it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jannah is rambling and Kylo smirks at it.  Until he actually sees the people coming up on stage.  Three women and two men, including the woman that Hux was speaking to when he’d got here and…. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Holy shit fuck.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>What the fuck?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was that?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh yeah.  Yeah it definitely was.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Rey</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kylo is staring at her and everything is clicking into place in his head - the way the female vocalist on their EP sounded so familiar to him.  Apparently actually seeing her here, dancing with her friend in clothing she wouldn’t normally be caught dead in.  The sunflowers on her elbows and the flowers on her left arm, mountains and trees on her right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he wasn’t going crazy, apparently.  It really </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> her…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kylo turns to Kaiden and snatches the bottle of beer out of his hands before his bandmates can say anything.  He tilts the bottle to his lips, downs the contents in three quick gulps, and shoves the bottle back into Kaiden’s hand before he turns to Alek. The guitarist wordlessly hands him the glass of dark amber liquid in his hands and Kylo knocks that back too, feeling the warmth and comfort that the burn of liquor sliding down his throat brings. Alek was drinking scotch, apparently.  And the good shit, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jannah is still talking up on stage, but Kylo doesn’t hear any of it.  He needs to get the fuck out of here. Now.  Fast. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because what the actual </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> is Rey - </span>
  <em>
    <span>his Rey - </span>
  </em>
  <span>doing here?  Well.  Clearly she’s here to promote her album that she apparently came to L.A. to record with the band that she apparently has now.  And now it makes sense why that girl that Hux had been talking to had glared at him so fiercely.  Rey must have told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So if </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rey</span>
  </em>
  <span> knew about him, why didn’t he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wait.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s going to have to be on </span>
  <em>
    <span>tour with her in just a couple of weeks.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Kylo decides he needs more alcohol.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as that thought flits through the mess that is currently his brain, Kaiden shoves another glass at him, taking the empty one back from him.  Kylo lets this one sit in his mouth for a second longer than the first two drinks, letting the burn swirl around his tastebuds in a way that sent comfort and solidarity through his bones.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know Hux is gonna kill us for giving him booze, right?” Alek says conspiratorially as Kylo slowly downs the drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He looks ready to murder someone.  I don’t feel like getting the shit beat out of me tonight, do you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A beat of silence as Kylo finishes his third drink, letting the liquor settle in his stomach and fill up that empty hole inside of him that seemed to have gotten worse a few minutes ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good point.  I’ll go get more drinks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kylo opens his eyes to find Kaiden eyeing him warily.  It’s clear that he wants to ask questions, wants to find out just what it was that triggered him and pushed him over the edge, but at least he doesn’t ask.  Maybe his bandmates aren’t so bad, after all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So anyway, now that all those introductions are out of the way, here’s resistance’s debut album here with First Order Media!” Jannah finishes whatever speech she’d been going through this whole time and Kylo clenches his eyes shut tight, as if that would somehow lead him to waking up from whatever the fuck nightmare he is currently living in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No luck.  The chords of the first song off their album fills the club and flows through him and god fucking dammit how could he have been so fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span> as to not notice that the female vocals in this stupid band was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rey</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  He knew it had been familiar but hadn’t been able to place it for some stupid, fucked up reason he couldn’t come up with.  He should have connected the dots and not made an absolute idiot of himself.  Should have </span>
  <em>
    <span>Googled the goddamn band</span>
  </em>
  <span> at the very least.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew they were all pretty hot, but I had no idea how hot they all actually were,” Fletcher says from somewhere beside him.  Where he came from, Kylo doesn’t know, but he hears Kaiden grunt in agreement as the drummer says, “that little thing in the red shorts?  Sign me up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kylo’s fist tightens around the empty glass he’s still clinging to.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>God</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he wishes that it would shatter in his hand so he’d at least have an excuse to get the fuck out of here and </span>
  <em>
    <span>leave</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  Sure, he wouldn’t be able to play for a while and Snoke would probably have his head, but it’d get him out of having to go on tour with his ex fucking girlfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck.  He’s going to have to go on fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>tour with her</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kylo hasn’t seen Rey in almost five years now.  Hasn’t heard from her, didn’t even realize she was still making music.  Maybe he should have known.  Should have guessed that she wouldn’t have been content to stop singing  and playing once Kylo was out of the picture.  It’s not like he’s the one who introduced music to her, anyway.  He had just been the first to encourage her and spend hours upon hours writing songs with her and going over chords together and...fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How many times had Snoke told him that he was better off without her?  That both of them were better off without each other?  That it was better that she didn’t want to come with him, didn’t want him to come out here to begin with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wait.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Snoke knew that he and Rey had been dating before he’d left to come to L.A..  Snoke had been the one to assure that Kylo that he should let the past die because there wasn’t any point in chasing after a woman who didn’t support you and your ventures.  Which means that Snoke had to have known that it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rey</span>
  </em>
  <span> he was signing to his record label.  That it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rey’s band</span>
  </em>
  <span> that he was assigning to tour with KNiGHTS.  There’s no way that he wasn’t intimately aware of that fact and holy </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He needs to get out of here.  Now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he’s still stuck, feet glued to the floor and empty hand curled into a joint-creaking fist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alek shows up with a full fucking handle of whiskey and poors two fingers into the glass that Kylo still has a death grip on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why am I not surprised you’ve already thrown your sobriety to the damn wind, Ren?” Hux’s shrill voice sounds over the music and Rey’s voice (no amount of alcohol will be able to let him escape from the sound of her voice over the speakers in the club, Kylo thinks). Kylo finishes off the glass of whiskey and glares at his manager as he waits for Alek to top him off again.  Hux glares right back, but rolls his eyes and shakes his head.  “Whatever.  Doesn’t make a difference to me if you kill yourself or not.  At least then you won’t be my problem anymore.  Snoke wants to see all of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The warm, comfort of the alcohol in his empty stomach lurches slightly as a solid rock of dread drops into his gut.  Even with his head swimming comfortingly, he has a very bad feeling about this.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Find me on twitter <a>@TrinRenWrites</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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